healing process

Hi loves 

Monday the 8th November 2021

This might be a bit too late but I'll start updating it from today 

So today is my 3rd and last session of counseling from school until they see if they should refer me to a psychologist outside from school 

Lol it's crazy how when i started this counseling thing I started it off as trying it cause I was told to do so but then here were are close to being diagnosed with depression and anxiety 🙃 funny but anyway today I do feel a bit under the weather and I struggled to sleep a lot I hardly slept last night I was just uncomfortable and feeling all types of ways that I can't explain

One thing though is I realized no one understands in this life and you are just left with understanding yourself and it's the hardest thing ever but you get used to it

I also believe healing needs you to be alone cause when you are in your thoughts and emotions then people want you to constantly assure them that it has nothing to do with them and they have done nothing cause you are not upset and you not happy either, you just floating around on your feelings and that hinders your healing and dealing with things cause you have to forget about your problems and just smile and do things you don't want to do cause you don't want to be put in a sport that you disregarding people's emotions and neglecting their needs and that's why I think one needs to be alone when they are going through their healing process but again it will depend who is around and if they really understand what you are going through  and understands the different things you go through and knows the little things that triggers the emotional Rolla Costa 

One thing I don't have from my family to my partner but I'm not shocked especially with my partner because if my own blood doesn't understand then why would a total stranger understand me and what I'm going through and why I get triggered so much

And last week he proved it so much because he did something in revenge because he wanted me to feel how hurt he is when I opened up from jump what's going on, I know I might have realized in the middle of the relationship that I needed help but j gave him an option to leave but he stayed but I won't lie he is adding onto my pain because he expects me to be as strong as he is about things he went through and that sucks because he is not putting himself in mu issues but he constantly wants me to be in his shoes all the time 

I'm even scared to say I'm tired now because he feels like I have time for everything and by the time I get to him them I'm too tired and I'm saying I'm scared because he will never pin point anything that I have done outside of him that makes me tired cause I'm constantly in my room, literally last week was the first time I went out in ages and even then I went out with him, I'm always with my partner day and night week in and week out to the pint where my friend feel neglected but he feels like I don't have time for him at and I'm constantly tired bit I don't blame him cause if my own family never understands when I say I'm tired then how do I expect him to do so.......

Love and light 

Xoxo

I will be coming back with an update after my session