Anio-philautia

It has been so long since I've been here so firstly greetings my people 😊 I have written a piece about healing before and about healing completely and I just realized that there is no such, rather the pain is veiled and each and every inch of you becomes immune to all kinds of the pain. My personal lesson is that pain from broken friendships affects your romantic relationship and same with romantic relationships, they affect your platonic relationships I am writing this with tears again in my heart, I am angry at myself for allowing another person control me even thought inhad left them to break free from their control, 11 months of trying to break free from their bandage even though they are not physically present, maybe putting a timeliness on my healing is the reason I am here  So if I refuse to have new friends and meet new people bare with me as It might be for your own good, I wouldn't want to allow my broken heart to bleed onto to you, that might just get to...

For the longest time I've been doubting myself if I've done a mistake a big one at that for leaving "my forever" I've been in a constant battle with myself and going back and forth but now I'm sure, I forgive him and I'm definitely letting go of the things he did and the names he called cause they don't define me, the fear he instilled me I let go, I don't care what his friends and the girls they are with think, what they think about me is for them not be, I'm no longer scared of what my family will think that's their business, as for those who keep convincing me that he is a good guy, good for them, I'm glad they experienced that side of him as for me, I'm not happy with what I experienced. But again the good that makes me really and honestly content it's the closure I got today, I didn't realize how great closure is for healing and closing wounds that were left open and not treated, you know as a person you think you have ...

I have so much to say but I don't even know where to start, I have a alot in my heart and my heart is so heavy Between being betrayed by friends you bent over for no matter, friend you spent sleepless nights praying for them and being told by the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life that they never loved you and everything they made you feel was just forced because they were never happy but felt compelled to learn to love you  Everytime I read that message I run out of words myself because how do you even comprehend that and actually make sense of it  And the crazy thing is that my heart still wants it's self right there but my mind knows exactly that's a very toxic and dangerous place to be there  The heart is definitely like a child, very delicate and naive and the mind like a parent whose been through it all just trying to protect their kid yet that child runs off and does what it's mind pleases, I can't believe my heart actually considered fo...

The love I had found has come to an end  I'm writing this with a broken heart because what I though would be a forever has come to an end and I am left confused but I hope to find answers some day  I know it would be a bit questionable for me to confused about a my own break up  But wouldn't you be if you spent the whole day with someone and as soon you get home you receive a messages that things are over, and that is why I'm confused  I am writing this two days after the break up  And I know I'm expected to be devastated but I'm not because God answered my prayer, I knew what I was doing when I prayed about this relationship and asked God that he gives me a sign if I should stay and give Mr the strength to accept and leave and that is what God has done for me  And don't get me wrong, I am hurt that this has ended because the love was there and I expected this person to stay with me forever  I pray for clarity, closure and healing and peace...

Hi loves  Monday the 8th November 2021 This might be a bit too late but I'll start updating it from today  So today is my 3rd and last session of counseling from school until they see if they should refer me to a psychologist outside from school  Lol it's crazy how when i started this counseling thing I started it off as trying it cause I was told to do so but then here were are close to being diagnosed with depression and anxiety 🙃 funny but anyway today I do feel a bit under the weather and I struggled to sleep a lot I hardly slept last night I was just uncomfortable and feeling all types of ways that I can't explain One thing though is I realized no one understands in this life and you are just left with understanding yourself and it's the hardest thing ever but you get used to it I also believe healing needs you to be alone cause when you are in your thoughts and emotions then people want you to constantly assure them that it has nothing to do with them and they ha...

I am writing this in tears  I am in tears because I am realizing how much damage is going on around me because I thought I have healed  I honestly just realized I'm not, the hurt from my previous relationships is starting to manifest because I've been burying all of it and now it's starting to show it self  I am ruining a good thing because I lied to myself and said that I've healed but I've not because my last heart break awakened everything else that was buried  I was the most loving and caring person ever, I forgave a lot and saying I am sorry was never the hardest the thing to do but now it is cause I apologized to all the wrong people and now when it's time for me to apologize to the one person who deserves it I can't, how can I be so cruel to the one person in this world that has decided to show me unconditional love, why am I projecting my anger and fury towards him, I lied and said I've healed but I definitely have not I've made l...